I passed the probationary period and received a good performance review. It’s a wonder for me how my boss was able to say nice words for me, when all the while I was always on my toes.
Today, I was walking in the rain at 8deg C with fairly strog winds. Cold rain. Short and gloomy days…but I was with a smile.
Today felt like before. I was back to walking, thinking, planning. Today I just had to get out to see Vancouver downtown, as if trying to convince myself that I made the right decision. It was subtle, subdued, almost didn’t exist: during special occasions, you miss your family most. I want to belong; I need to be owned.
It took a moment before I was overcome with loneliness, but I fought back. Tried not to repress; I decided to feel the pity and loneliness. Somehow, being with strangers in my commute, or letting the busker’s music into my ear is comforting because the feeling of being alone is appropriate and most importantly it’s welcome…the emptiness fades away, and I feel better again.
